You are now reading the 2,000th article published on Kayfabe News in its illustrious history as the world’s most reliable source of fair and balanced wrestling journalism.

To commemorate the occasion, we have compiled this comprehensive list of the most important articles we have ever published.

While the failing New York Times desperately creates fake news to save its declining readership — sad! — Kayfabe News is just getting started.

Enjoy this retrospective on wrestling journalism done right.

#2,000. Make-A-Wish Visit Goes Horribly Awry When Lesnar Eats Child

When it looked as if Lesnar was detaching his own jaw in order to swallow Timmy whole, security guards subdued the beast with a barrage of tranquilizer darts to the posterior. Read more…

lesnar-make-a-wish

 

#1,999. It Comes Crashing Down, Hurts Inside

“And it hurts inside,” Hogan reportedly confided in his barber, who identified himself only as Brutus B. Read more…

hogan

 

 

 

#1,998. Physicists Baffled After Gravity Forgets Man

Physicists from around the world gathered for an emergency meeting at CERN this week after gravity — previously believed to be a universal force of attraction between two masses — reportedly forgot a man. Read more…

neville

 

#1,997. WWE to Rectify Declining Ratings by Adding Fourth Hour to Raw

According to a WWE press release, the additional hour of Raw will allow time for “more backstage skits, longer show-opening promos by The Authority, and more mid-match commercial breaks.” Read more…

raw-four-hours

 

 

 

#1,996. Foley Admits Fall From Cell Was Fake

“We rehearsed the move about a dozen times earlier in the day and it was a breeze — the [Spanish announce] table padded my landing like a big pile of pillows.” Read more… 

foley

 

 

#1,995. Finn Balor Makes Jaw-Dropping Entrance at Local Arby’s

Patrons watched with a mixture of rapt terror and awe as Bálor writhed, as if demonically possessed, to the counter and ordered two roast beef sandwiches with no mustard and a side of curly fries. Read more…
arby

 

 

#1,994. NXT Fans Chant “This is Awesome” at Empty Ring

The roof of the NXT arena at Full Sail University was then practically blown off when referee Drake Wuertz entered the ring and checked the positioning of turnbuckle pads.

“You’ve still got it!” the fans chanted at Weurtz, “you’ve still got it!” Read more…

nxt-ring

 

#1,993. Injured Cena Grants Make-A-Wish Visit to Self

cena visits self

 

Professional wrestler John Cena, already renowned for his tireless charitable work, went above-and-beyond this afternoon by granting a Make-A-Wish hospital visit to his injured self.

“Hang in there, champ,” Cena told Cena, who was hospitalized after injuring his ankle during a WWE live event last night in Roanoke, Virginia.

Read more…

 

#1,992. Great Khali Breaks Silence on Cabana Podcast About Why Grraag Nwarhh Smuh

khali podcast

Khali unequivocally stated that he will he will “nuggahhh eggahh” return to WWE, which Cabana (who is fluent in Punjabi, albeit with a strong Illinois accent) translated as “never ever.”

Read more… 

 

wyatt meds#1,991. Wyatt Goes Back on Meds, Apologizes for Odd Behaviour

Professional wrestler Bray Wyatt issued a public apology this morning for his peculiar behavior in recent months, assuring fans he is now back on his psychiatric medication and feeling normal again.

“I really went off the deep end for a while there,” said a shaven, showered, and well-dressed Wyatt.

“Sorry about all that. My bad.”

Read more…

 

#1,990: Make-A-Wish Visit From Bad News Barrett Goes Poorly

barrett wish

“In hindsight, we realize it was not a good idea,” said Randall McPherson, a spokesperson for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Read more…

 

#1,989. Fan Awakes from Coma, Shocked to Learn Terra Ryzing Runs WWE

terra ryzing
After waking from a 20-year coma, avid wrestling fan Terry Greer expressed confusion and dismay at the realization that Terra Ryzing wields executive power over World Wrestling Entertainment.

Greer opened his eyes and saw WWE Raw on the television above his hospital bed — a program his family members diligently turned on every Monday night in hopes that it would rouse him from his vegetative slumber.

In a raspy whisper, the long-bearded Greer spoke his first words since 1994: “Is… is… is that… Terra Ryzing?”

Read more…

 

#1,988. Sting Mortified to Learn He’s 13 Years Late for WCW Invasion

sting wwe

“Traffic was terrible,” said the enigmatic star following his much-anticipated appearance at Survivor Series.

Read more…

 

#1,987. Entire NXT Roster Suspended for Using Performance-Enhancing Talent

nxt suspended

“We can’t have these hungry young talents making stars like main-roster Ryback look clunky by comparison,” said WWE COO Hunter Hearst Helmsley during a conference call with media. “He’s doing a fine job of that by himself.”

Read more…

 

#1,986. The Real Story Behind Why Undertaker Lost at WrestleMania

why did undertaker lose

You’ll have to read the article to find out.

 

 

#1,985. Shane McMahon’s WrestleMania plunge revealed to be CGI

Shane McMahon cell jump

#1,984. McMahon vows to topple UFC with new “extreme” fighting league, XFC

Vince McMahon MMA

 

#1,983. WWE Wrestlers You Didn’t Realize Were Child Stars

Before he got "Big," Cass was best known for being left "Home Alone" to abuse bungling burglers!

 

#1,982. Austin saves America by once again stunning Trump

Steve Austin wrestling

 

#1,981. Glenn Jacobs to portray Fake Roman Reigns

Reigns suspended

 

#1,980. Dixie Carter’s ingenious “invasion” of WWE nearing completion

eric young nxt

 

#1,979. Young wrestling fan loses spelling bee with s-a-w-f-t

Turns out it's spelled s-o-f-t.

 

#1,978. WWE cameraman diagnosed with hyperactive zoom disorder

wwe camera zoom

 

#1,977. Wrestling fan struggling to get “over” with girls

Wrestling lingo

 

 

 

#1,976 through #2: Tied

 

#1: Wonderful wrestling fan buys shirt to support satirical website

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