Physicists from around the world gathered for an emergency meeting at CERN this week after gravity — previously believed to be a universal force of attraction between two masses — reportedly forgot a man.
The man, professional wrestler [FIRST NAME DELETED] Neville, has been forgotten by gravity on national television at least twice, sparking widespread debate among the physics community about gravity’s supposed immutability.
“Everything we thought we knew about gravity must now be discarded,” said Leonard Wooten, one of the world’s leading theoretical physicists, who has previously published papers on the surprising elasticity of wrestling ring ropes.
“This Neville person may be the key to the long-sought unification of Einsteinian relativity with quantum mechanics — and he looks like a strong contender for Rollins’ championship, too.”
Some scientists believe Neville is an extra-dimensional entity whose existence is predicted by Stephen Hawking’s black hole information paradox; others suggest Neville is just a high-flying wrestler whom commentators are describing in hyperbolic terms.
While gathered at CERN, the physicists will also debate the possibility of finding intelligent life in the WWE Universe.
Leave a Comment