After waking from a 20-year coma, avid wrestling fan Terry Greer expressed confusion and dismay at the realization that Terra Ryzing wields executive power over World Wrestling Entertainment.

Greer opened his eyes and saw WWE Raw on the television above his hospital bed — a program his family members diligently turned on every Monday night in hopes that it would rouse him from his vegetative slumber.

In a raspy whisper, the long-bearded Greer spoke his first words since 1994: “Is… is… is that… Terra Ryzing?”

He was referring to the sharply dressed Hunter Hearst Helmsley (or Triple-H), Chief Operating Officer of WWE, who briefly portrayed the laughably named Terra Ryzing in the early 1990s.

During his unconscious years, Greer was oblivious to Helmsley’s progression from Terra Ryzing to a snooty Frenchman to a Connecticut blueblood to a main-event star to a douchebag prankster to a corporate executive.

Greer also expressed shock at a number of other developments that he never could have predicted, and peppered his caregivers with questions:

  • “There’s a WWE Hall of Fame, and Randy Savage isn’t in it!?”
  • “Wait, Stunning Steve Austin is considered a legend!?”
  • “Paul E. Dangerously is considered a mastermind?!”
  • “Jesse Ventura thinks the world is run by a secret shadow government of Illuminati alien Freemasons?!”

Nobody has yet had the heart to tell Greer that his favorite promotion, WCW, is kaput.


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