Cena grants WrestleMania wish for man-child suffering from terminal talentlessness WWE promises “greatest WrestleMania of all time” for 41st consecutive year SPOILERS: WrestleMania was pre-taped last week — and we have the leaked results! Heroic Make-A-Wish kid blindsides Cena with chairshot FINALLY! Glacier be inducted into WWE Hall of Fame WWE leadership under fire after adding Dave Meltzer to top-secret WrestleMania planning Signal chat Trump signs executive order demanding Cena turn back babyface Linda McMahon emerges from catatonic state to kick Department of Education in the grapefruits Cena verbally berates sick children for Break-A-Wish Foundation Table broken in wrestling match now rehabbing at DDP’s house Former WWE mogul now portraying “Mister McMan” on indy scene Canadian Prime Minister Rougeau arms border guards with cattle prods Heel Cena takes back thousands of wishes WrestleMania to feature [INSERT UNWANTED RAPPER] Pro wrestler Cody Rhodes fined $1 million for swearing during “PG” Netflix broadcast Does this peculiar birthmark prove Bron Breakker’s real father is Goldberg? Cody Rhodes unveils new face tattoo Gullible football “marks” don’t realize Super Bowl is rigged WWE in financial trouble after Mexico imposes 25 percent tariff on luchadores WWE legend launches personal re-brand with Perk Angle coffee “Never Give Up” wrestler giving up wrestling Professional wrestling now officially more realistic than reality Mr. America returning to WWE to promote beer
