The latest upstart promotion to join the pro wrestling fray, Abandon Your Narrative (AYN) has scooped up another extraordinary young talent, Pete Dunne — a respected veteran of the British wrestling scene — and quickly repackaged him as Budge, or Fudge, or Bumps or something.  

Abandon Your Narrative is, according to leaked documents, a subsidiary of a company called Jackhammer Grapefruits Inc., which recently purchased broadcast rights to NXT, as well as Juggalo Championship Wrestling. 

The purpose of Abandon Your Narrative is to ensure that any person who has achieved any modicum of success in professional wrestling prior to being hired by WWE undergo a mandatory “deprogramming” period within the AYN brand. 

Butch is one of numerous recent signees to Abandon Your Narrative, including and Mike Bennett-Kinellis-McMahon,  Baron von Hitlerstein (formerly WALTER), and Kenny “The Patriot” O’MAGA. 

The “Rules and Regulations” of Abandon Your Narrative recently leaked online, and read: 

1. You are not in control
2. You are NOT in control
3. Matches are built around the timing of commercials and demographic data, that’s all.
4. Your ring-name sucks. But it doesn’t suck enough yet. We’ll fix that. 
5. If you were trained anywhere but the WWE Performance Centre, forget everything
6. Even if you’re a multi-time champion of Impact and Ring of Honor and numerous reputable indies, you are doing everything wrong. 
7. If you want to #AbandonYourNarrative, please bring all your past ring gear to the incinerator ASAP

Signees to AYN are not expected to particularly enjoy their in-ring careers with the company, but the catering is tasty and the dental plan is pretty comprehensive. 

You’d be funnier in a Kayfabe News tee: