An real lumberjack match — a violent dust-up between a pair of forestry workers at an Oregon logging camp — resulted in nothing but a costly delay in lumber transport. ...
Spotlight
Ultimate Warrior still mildly nauseous from Papa Shango curse
Although two decades have passed since he fell victim to a hex ...
Jimmy Uso puzzled by Make-a-Wish request
Jimmy Uso confessed he was “as confused as everyone else” when a ...
The Rock’s strudel turns out soft and mushy
Professional wrestler and Hollywood star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson expressed disappointment and ...
Latest News
Brodus Clay’s momma wishes people would just text instead
Although she appreciates the sentiment behind the frequent phone calls she receives, Brodus Clay’s momma admitted yesterday she would prefer text messages instead. “It sure would save a lot of time,” said momma, whose phone has been ringing off the hook since her son Brodus debuted in WWE several months ago. Momma confessed that she [...]
Entire roster deemed unfit to perform at ECW reunion show
What was intended to be a nostalgic reunion of Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) alumni was instead an utter flop after every single wrestler was deemed to be in no condition to perform. Fans who arrived at an armory in eastern Philadelphia — just blocks from the now-defunct ECW Arena — were told the show was [...]
Frankie the parrot mimics all the lyrics to Piledriver
Frankie, the blue-and-gold macaw owned by WWE Hall-of-Famer Koko B. Ware, has learned all the lyrics to Ware’s song Piledriver from the album of the same name. “Sometimes love is like a slowww daaance,” Frankie squawked yesterday while relaxing on his perch. “You can tiptoe around, but don’t make a sound — you can make a [...]
Lesnar and Steiner argue over whose chest tattoo is uglier
Professional wrestlers Brock Lesnar and Scott Steiner are embroiled in a heated rivalry over whose chest is adorned with a stupider and more poorly conceived tattoo. Lesnar, now a top villain in World Wrestling Entertainment after a successful tenure in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, argues that his phallic dagger tattoo is more aesthetically displeasing and [...]
Rob Van Dam outsmarted by his own educated feet
Though Rob Van Dam’s kicking prowess has often led wrestling commentators to remark about his “educated feet,” the wrestler was disheartened yesterday when those feet defeated him in a battle of wits. Van Dam, a 41-year-old competitor currently working for TNA Wrestling, failed to outperform his own feet at an online IQ test. Out of [...]
Jerry Lynn to portray Mickey Rourke in documentary about The Wrestler
In a strange case of art-imitating-life-imitating-art, professional wrestler Jerry Lynn has been cast to portray actor Mickey Rourke in a feature-length documentary about the making of the hit film The Wrestler. Lynn was a natural choice for the role, since he bears a striking resemblance to Randy “The Ram” Robinson, the fictional character portrayed by [...]
Bobby Eaton still using “Beautiful” nickname for some reason
At a recent independent wrestling event in rural Delaware, veteran wrestler Bobby Eaton was introduced as “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton, though no one in attendance could quite figure out why. “Yeah, that was weird,” said 17-year-old fan Todd Benson. “I mean, he’s not a monster or anything, but beautiful? Uh, not really.” Eaton’s nickname has puzzled [...]
McMahon caught singing “Stand Back” in the shower
Vince McMahon’s grown children, Shane and Stephanie, were embarrassed yesterday when a group of houseguests overheard the WWE chairman belting out the song “Stand Back” in the shower. “When I was just a boy, everybody told me, what I should do, and who I should beeee!” McMahon crooned at the top of his lungs while [...]
Paul Bearer’s urn full of M&M’s
One of the most enduring mysteries in professional wrestling was solved this week when Paul Bearer revealed that his ubiquitous urn is actually just filled with M&M’s. “Ohhhh, yessss,” Bearer told Kayfabe News over the phone from his mortuary in rural Mississippi. “Hundreds of delicious, mouth-watering M&M’s!” Long presumed to be filled with the cremated [...]
Scott Steiner spells word correctly in tweet
Professional wrestler Scott Steiner shocked his loyal Twitter followers last night when, by a sheer fluke of random chance, he spelled a word correctly. The unexpected correct spelling came in the midst of a vitriolic rant aimed squarely at his former employer, TNA Wrestling, and its reigning figurehead Hulk Hogan. “Evrytime hulkstr sez hes gunna [...]
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