vince mcmahon scandal
Vince McMahon says he is “devastated” about the allegations that a small minority of wrestling matches may be fixed.

Professional wrestling impresario Vincent K. McMahon reportedly “blew a gasket” backstage at a recent WWE live event after witnessing two competitors — ostensibly sworn enemies — chatting amicably and seemingly mapping out a predetermined course for their upcoming match.

“What the hell is going on here!?” McMahon reportedly bellowed, dumbstruck that Kevin Owens and Bobby Lashley seemed to be co-conspirators in a staged pantomime, rather than a legitimate contest of grappling prowess.

According to backstage witnesses, a red-faced McMahon stomped about the locker room area, hollering that “anyone else caught rigging matches will be immediately fired.”

For more than three decades, McMahon has promoted WWE as the world’s pre-eminent organization for sporting contests of catch-as-catch-can grappling contests, described by many as the “purest of all sports.”

Now suspicious that more match-rigging is afoot, McMahon has cancelled all upcoming WWE events “until, quite frankly, a fulsome and fair FBI investigation reaches conclusive findings, quite frankly.”