Professional wrestling promoter Tony Khan has been accused of exaggerating his injuries after appearing at a press conference in full body traction, presumably due to the effects of being piledriven on his head by the Young Bucks (Matt and Tito Jackson).

Khan, son of billionaire Shahid Khan and grandson of Mongolian wrestler Killer Khan, said that he had “umpteen broken bones” and “may never fully recover,” although no doctor would verify these claims.

“Our X-rays show no broken bones,” said one Jacksonville doctor, “though the toxicology reports show extreme levels of [redacted] in his system.”

His attempt to win sympathy was hampered, however, by his controversial claim that “AEW is the Jesus Christ of wrestling,” whereas “WWE is Satan’s outhouse of misery.”