Rusev deported
Alexander Rusev has been sent back to Russia, where he’ll catch a train back to Bulgaria.

Following an escalating series of verbal threats to “crush” America and acts of violence against American patriots, Bulgarian national and Russian propagandist Rusev has been deported.

The US Department of Customs and Border Protection revoked the Green Card of Alexander Rusev today, citing his increasing hostility toward his host country during appearances on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) programming.

Customs officials and wrestling fans alike are confused as to why Rusev has adopted such a staunchly pro-Russian stance, given that he’s actually from central Bulgaria, roughly 1,300 miles south of Moscow.

Federal agents swarmed the Tampa home occupied by Rusev and his female mouthpiece Lana, and transported the duo to an undisclosed detention center. Rusev was then boarded onto a Moscow-bound flight, accompanied by US air marshals, wearing only a singlet and no shoes.

Lana, however, will remain in the United States, because an investigation into her immigration records revealed that she is actually an American-born former cheerleader named CJ Perry. A federal district judge has ordered Perry to refrain from participating in anti-American activities and to stop speaking with a barely passable Russian accent, but to “continue looking sexy.”

Rusev may face criminal charges in Russia for “impersonating a Russian citizen and for claiming a connection to Russian President Vladimir Putin,” according to a news release.

Although Rusev has frequently claimed to have the full support of Putin, the Russian leader has repeatedly expressed that he’s “more of a John Cena fan.”


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