Did you think the era of attending B-town non-televised WWE “house shows” was over, at least in your crappy backwater hometown?

Well don’t despair, because WWE announced today that the company will resume its relentless “touring” schedule in a series of of poorly attended but expensive “Zoom in Your House” exhibitions that have no bearing on televised storylines. 

For more on this developing story, let’s go live to Philip N. Marx, who insists he is isolated in a Manhattan brownstone, but we’re cannot in good conscience suggest we believe the same.