Raw series finale
Vince McMahon’s encroaching senility will be ratings gold.

The longest-running weekly episodic something-something in television history, WWE Monday Night Raw, will have a rare cancellation today after company chief Vince McMahon spent all day convinced that today was Sunday. 

Rather than his usual hectic Monday routine of production meetings, endless rewrites and tyrannical bursts of rage, McMahon spent today in his pajamas, moisturizing his chapped knuckles while watching episode after episode of 90 Day Fiancee. 

McMahon, blissfully unaware that his cellphone was vibrating and pinging incessantly wedged deep between the sofa cushions, whiled away the day munching away on bon-bons in his work-from-home basement lair.

The billionaire carny only realized his mix-up when, during his sixth daily weightlifting sessions, he realized that Sundays are pecs-and-triceps workouts, and Mondays like today are glutes-and-adam’s-apple workouts. 

 

 

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