An international team of scientists has confirmed, in shocking contradiction to conventional wisdom, that the whole world is cradled in the hands of professional wrestler and raving lunatic Bray Wyatt.
The discovery, published this week in the prestigious journal Nature, overturns centuries of astronomical science about our planet and its position within the solar system.
Previously believed to be held in an elliptical orbit around a medium-sized star in the Milky Way galaxy, the Earth is now confirmed to be nestled in the filthy hands of a charismatic hillbilly who leads a cult-like “family” of inbred disciples.
Data transmitted from the Hubble Space Telescope revealed, in unprecedented clarity, the presence of Wyatt cupping our delicate blue planet, while appearing to laugh maniacally.
“This is obviously quite a shocking revelation,” said Dr. Neil Johnson, lead author of the study and head of the American Astronomical Association.
“This will change our worldview entirely, like the time that we discovered that Mick Foley is indeed God.”
The news has sparked panic in many cultures due to the widely held belief that Wyatt is also an eater of worlds.