New shield member
An image of Zack Ryder’s overactive imagination.

Professional wrestler Zack Ryder, a plucky underdog always optimistically clamouring for a piece of the spotlight, purchased a SWAT team costume today in the vain hope that he might replace Seth Rollins in The Shield.

Rollins’ recent mutiny left a gaping hole in the justice-seeking faction, and Ryder is among many World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) superstars hoping to fill the vacant spot.

Ryder has learned how to scowl menacingly has and clad himself in the all-black tactical outfit preferred by remaining Shield members Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns.

“Woo woo woo, you know I want justice,” Ryder said aloud while gazing at his reinvented self in a mirror.

Ryder’s optimism, albeit adorable, is probably misguided given that he was not among the superstars listed on a recent rundown of potential successors to Rollins in the Shield. He was, however, ranked in the number-one spot on a list of “Superstars Most Likely to be Found in Catering.”

Although wrestling pundits are uncertain who will replace Rollins in The Shield, they all agree that a replacement must be found immediately.

“The Shield needs a third member,” said wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer. “I mean, who has ever heard of a two-man tag team?!”