Onlookers could scarcely believe their eyes this past weekend at the Combat Zone Wrestling (CZW) Ultraviolent Tournament of Death when a good-looking and seemingly well-adjusted human being arrived to watch the event.
The attractive man — who had an unblemished complexion, a slender athletic build, and the bright eyes of someone who clearly does not abuse methamphetamines — stood out like a sore thumb amid the 500 other fans in attendance.
“Are you lost?” one ticket-taker asked the attractive man, who responded with a convivial smile that revealed a full complement of straight, white teeth — an unprecedented sight at the long-running tournament.
The man then watched the entire tournament, which features young men with misdirected daddy issues maiming each other with broken glass and weedwhackers, without spilling beer on himself or emitting any audible flatulence.
When the event was finished, the attractive man drove away in a clean mid-sized sedan — not, as is the norm, a pickup truck covered in decals depicting Calvin urinating on things.
The presence of the attractive person reminded some wrestling fans of the time a female fan was rumored to have attended a Ring of Honor event (a rumor that later turned out to be false).