WWE network launch
Vince McMahon introduces the WWE Network, which will give fans 24 hours a day of stuff to complain about.

The WWE Network, a soon-to-be-launched streaming video service from World Wrestling Entertainment, promises to revolutionize the ways fans watch and complain about professional wrestling.

The 24-hour service, which will feature new and vintage programming and pay-per-view events, will give fans countless new means to gripe about WWE programming.

“We are literally going to go over the top with our complaining,” wrote one fan on an online wrestling forum. “If you thought we whined a lot before, just wait until the WWE Network launches on Feb. 24.”

In the past, fans would typically have to wait until the televised airing of weekly wrestling programs and monthly pay-per-views to gripe about hackneyed storylines, shoddy workrates and underutilized wrestlers.

With the advent of the WWE Network, however, wrestling fans will have to adjust to an around-the-clock cycle of smug bellyaching and armchair booking.

Fans will have all new topics about which to moan, such as service interruptions, low-res video, fee increases, and silly original programming.

It has already been predicted that many wrestling fans will adopt lonely, hermit-like existences when the WWE Network goes live. Those who do maintain some semblance of a social life, however, will likely alienate everyone around them with incessant bitching.