A quarterly meeting of the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) Board of Directors was disrupted yesterday by a mysterious cloaked figure calling himself a “higher power.”

While the board was discussing merchandising revenue from the past fiscal, the druid-like man — his face obscured by a hood lined in purple felt — growled that he was “now in charge, quite frankly.”

According to one behind-the-scenes source, who for the sake of anonymity asked to be known only as Stephanie, the “higher power” said he would reveal his identity, but only if WWE legend “Stone Cold” Steve Austin joins the Board too. 

“I have a perfect line but Austin has to be here, quite frankly,” said the figure, who then ordered departing Board members to his puckered ass. 

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