new wweWorld Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that the ongoing decline in ratings of flagship program Monday Night Raw is the fault of “entitled” fans who “don’t just unthinkingly gobble up any pablum we hurl at them.”

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon said WWE fans seem to be developing more discerning tastes — and a lower tolerance for interminable, hamfisted backstage skits — which is an alarming trend that could spell doom for the company.

“These so-called fans seem to want high-quality matches and engaging, straightforward storylines that have some semblance of internal logic,” said McMahon. “Quite frankly, they’re a bunch spoiled, demanding brats, quite frankly!”

According to the survey, fans feel that WWE programming has become bloated with directionless feuds, irrational booking, and not nearly enough airtime devoted to Firefly Fun House.

McMahon, however, stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the survey results, stating that “fans will enjoy what we damn well tell them to enjoy.”

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