Professional wrestling commentator Michael Cole achieved another career milestone this week, expressing his utter shock and befuddlement at an “unprecedented” occurrence for the 10,000th time. 

“I can’t believe what we are witnessing tonight,” Cole exclaimed as the roster of SmackDown launched a “shocking” sneak-attack on the wrestlers of Raw, as happens roughly every 18 months. 

“History is being made tonight,” Cole hollered, just as he did the previous umpteen times the roster of one WWE television program invaded the other. 

Some neurologists believe Cole and other professional wrestling commentators are cognitively incapable of forming long-term memories, which would explain their capacity to be gobsmacked afresh every time they witness the same occurrence. 

In the 1980s, for example, commentator Gorilla Monsoon, upon seeing a wriggling burlap sack carried to the ring by Jake Roberts, would always ask: “What’s in the bag, Jesse?!” (to which Ventura would invariably reply: “I don’t know, Gorilla, but it’s moving around in there.”

Next week’s episode of Raw is expected to feature an in-ring contract signing, which Cole expects to go smoothly.