michael cole
Even in his dreams, Michael Cole can’t believe his eyes.

Exhausted after years of not believing his eyes as history has been made again and again, professional wrestling commentator Michael Cole dozed off at a recent WWE event, but still managed to unconsciously mumble about the “Big Dog” and his “yard.”

“Vintaaage…. [gurgled snore]… Roman…. something something yarrrrrrd,” Cole said, slumped in his chair. “Mmmmpphh, WWE App… trending.”

Sources close to Cole say the rigors of his job — feigning surprise at unsurprising things, claiming he “has never seen anything like” a thing he has seen many times before — are taking a toll.

Just last week, according to one source, emphatically declared a trip to the grocery store was “historic,” and he claimed to have received an email from the Anonymous Raw General Manager (it was actually a spam email selling Viagra).

It is believed that Cole has recently been pushed to the brink of total exhaustion and insanity due to his contractual obligation to scream “The Big Dog” at least 200 times per WWE broadcast.

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