Sandow Speech
Damien Sandow delivers one of his thesaurus-aided diatribes.

World Wrestling Entertainment has reportedly suspended Damien Sandow for 60 days after a Wellness Policy test revealed he has been using a performance-enhancing thesaurus.

A press release issued by WWE said that “Mr. Sandow’s expansive vocabulary has been a cause of concern for some time,” and that the contraband thesaurus was discovered in his luggage at an airport.

Sandow responded to the suspension on Twitter (through his personal scribe Ignatius), calling the suspension: “a baseless and untenable affront that casts aspersions on my venerable personage.”

Sandow continued that he would “pursue juridical recompense forthwith, thereby rectifying this defamatory embroilment.”

Lawyers from World Wrestling Entertainment are currently working to translate a formal appeal lodged by Sandow against his suspension.

Contacted by Kayfabe News, Sandow denied he has ever used a performance-enhancing thesaurus, stating only that his “vernacular is unbolstered by ersatz chicanery.”


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