balls mahoney
Heaven got a lot more hardcore today with the reunion of Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney.

While wrestling fans on here Earth mourn the untimely passing of Balls Mahoney, ethereal residents of the afterlife are getting one hell of a show from the reunited Hardcore Chair Swingin’ Freaks.

After smashing his way through the Pearly Gates with a barbed-wire bat, Mahoney immediately set out in search of Axl Rotten, who was blissfully enjoying an infinite playlist of KISS albums alongside late KISS drummer Eric Carr.

Once reunited, Mahoney and Rotten stormed through the afterlife, wildly wielding steel chairs, looking to challenge Rocco Rock and Johnny Grunge (The Public Enemy) to a “Hardcore Hereafter Street Fight.”

Before long, an all-out brawl had erupted, with the likes of Eddie Gilbert, Chris Candido, and Louie Spicolli joining the magnificent mayhem.

Harps were smashed, halos were used as weapons, and winged cherubs flapped their wings in delight.

“This is awesome,” bellowed God, adding five thunderous handclaps in a syncopated rhythm.