While some experts feared the massive crowds at WWE WrestleMania in Texas this weekend would become a COVID-19 “superspreader,” a newly released report says that the COVID infection rate was “low,” especially when compared to the herpes infection rate. 

WWE Chief Medical Officer Dr. Bob Ponovich reported today that “a combination of widespread vaccination, stringent cleaning protocols and public awareness” resulted in a lower-than-anticipated infection rate for the novel coronavirus. 

“Gonorrhea and syphilis, mind you, trailed closely behind herpes for the most infectious ailment to spread due to the well-attended sports-entertainment extravaganza and presumably much pent-up lust from a two-year pandemic.”

More than 150,000 fans filled the AT&T Stadium in Texas over two nights, and despite a demographic largely skewed to the bearded and well-fed male, it seems some romantic dalliances must have occurred. 

“We are only beginning to see a small decline in the rate of cooties infection at WrestleMania,” said Dr. Ponovich, a noted larynx specialist. “This is consistent with projections for the aging WWE demographic.” 

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