lesnar heyman
Moments after this photograph was taken, the gorilla was subdued with a tranquilizer dart to the left buttock.

A once-harmonious relationship between man and ape turned tragic last night when an endangered hairless albino gorilla was euthanized after the beast unexpectedly mauled its longtime owner and handler.

The gorilla, which responded to the name “Brock,” was tranquilized and subsequently put down by WWE’s chief veterinarian following a rampage that saw the enraged animal attack its longtime human companion Paul E. Heyman, as well as Raw General Manager Kurt Angle.

Animal-welfare advocates worldwide are speaking out against WWE for putting a wild animal like the gorilla into a situation where it was bound to become agitated, confused, and potentially violent.

“Brock was a beautiful creature, who even learned to communicate through rudimentary sign language and pterodactyl-like shrieks,” said primatologist Jan Gooding. “He should have been set free long ago to roam the open expanses of Manitoba.”

Albino mountain gorillas is exceedingly rare in the wild, known for their hulking physiques and the phallus-like markings on their chests, believed to have evolved as a visual signal to attract mates.

Heyman survived the attack relatively unscathed, and says he may now attempt to train a big dog.