Michael cole stupendous
Sources close to Michael Cole say they haven’t seen him this shellshocked since the launch of TOUT.

Longtime sports-entertainment play-by-play man Michael Cole has reportedly been “under the weather” since WWE WrestleMania, and sources close to the commentator reveal that he seems to be suffering a “dissociative cognitive abnormality” due to his near-constant repetition of a single word, “stupendous.” 

Lately, Cole has reportedly been unable to sleep more than 20 minutes at a time before he jolts himself awake by screaming “stupendous” or some dream-fogged variation thereof, such as “poostendous” and “stewed potatoes.” 

The tagline of WrestleMania 38, “Stupendous,” was was uttered 7,395 times over the event’s two nights, with 93 percent of those utterances attributed to Cole. 

According to one noted psychologist, Dr. M. Shelby, Cole seems to be suffering from an acute case of “saying the word stupendous way more times than any human being ever should, and experiencing understandable shame.” 

Cole’s grown son, Adam, says his father can only babble one word repeatedly, having “practically reverted to being a baybay.”

Things are not looking good for Cole, given that next year’s WrestleMania, to be hosted in Hollywood, will have the tagline “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” 

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