Is professional wrestling fake? 

Yes!

That’s according to the cantankerous alcoholic a couple of barstools down who hasn’t shut up about it since the bartender at Bobby McNasty’s Irish Pub in Tallahassee tuned the TV into Monday Night Raw. 

“You know, that schtuffsh all phony-baloney,” slurred the drunkard, wiping wing sauce from his chubby fingers onto his Billy Ray Cyrus t-shirt. 

“It’sh like, like, like a shoap opera for men,” he added, for the sixth time that night, and to the extreme annoyance of several wrestling fans enjoying Raw. 

Sadly, this experience is widely reported among wrestling fans. In one study, a whopping 97.3 of wrestling fans who have ever tried to watch wrestling at a sports bar have reported nearly identical experiences. 

One study suggests that approximately 9 out of every 10 sports bars, at any given time, contain at least one drunken NASCAR fan who insists the blood in professional wrestling is “jusht ketschup.” 

Dress funnier, wrestling fan. Get a shirt: