They’re all pretty much like this: 

Hey Keyfabe News, can I write for u guys? 

I have a funny article idea for you. Maybe it is too rediculous?! I have a great sense of humor. How much do u pay? 

You guys should write a story about Becky Lich cutting off Beyonce Belare’s giant pony tale and then stuffing it in a green bag like how Jake “Snake” Roberts did with Damien! lol

Then Becky carries it around and leaves the bag in the corner of the ring during her matches like Jake did with Damian. lol. 

Then after she pins her opponent she pulls out the pony tale that she named DamiANNE and lays it across her opponents face.

Balere is angry and wants revenge on Big Time Becks and tries to get her pony tale back but Becky ties her up in the ropes and pulls out DamiANNE who then bites Belair on the arm like Jake’s cobra did to Randy “Macho” Savage (“ooooh yyyyeeeeear!”) 

Then at Summerslam, Balier manages to get her pony tale back and whips Becky with it in an “I QUIT” match until Becky says the words “I quit.”

Then Belair tells everyone in the crowd that her pony tale is not a snake and that it is her hair and everybody cheers as Becky makes an angry face, like, WTF??? lollll 

thank me later

[NAME REDACTED]

That’s why. 

If you want to be part of the fun, get a shirt.