gay wrestler
Vince McMahon has decreed that all WWE performers are required to come out as gay.

Hoping to maximize the positive publicity that followed Darren Young’s public announcement of homosexuality, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has ordered all talent in the company to come out as gay.

A memo leaked from WWE’s Stamford headquarters quotes McMahon as decreeing that “every member of the WWE roster is henceforth gay until further notice.”

McMahon’s order further states that “all Superstars will seek out TMZ cameras in airports and outside nightclubs, in order to proclaim their homosexuality in a manner that seems vaguely staged, much like Darren Young did.”

Young’s surprise announcement that he is happily gay garnered positive mainstream media attention for World Wrestling Entertainment — something McMahon has desperately sought after years of premature wrestler deaths and assorted controversies.

McMahon has demanded that WWE Superstars and Divas actually live homosexual lifestyles away from the spotlight, so that on-air storylines maintain a sense of legitimacy.

To lead by example, McMahon recently asked longtime crony Pat Patterson to join him on a romantic Caribbean getaway.

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