Legendary sports-entertainer Hulk Hogan underwent a magical transformation today when, after a lifetime of telling tall tales and creative embellishments, he learned to tell the truth and finally became real boy.

Hogan, as everyone knows, was a marionette created by a woodcarver named Gepetto Bollea in the city of Venice (Beach), and he always dreamed being human but couldn’t help but tell fibs.

Every time little Hogan told a lie, his wooden limbs would grow larger and his shellac coating glowed more like polished copper.

He told so many lies that he grew enormous and impossibly bronzed, but without a human brain or heart, Hogan was just a big orange wooden statue for a long time. That changed this morning, when Hogan decided to start telling the truth, and — POOF — he magically changed into a real human boy with a blond skullet and fu manchu moustache.