Legendary professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, having recently become unemployed, has submitted his resume to independent wrestling promotion Chikara.
Hogan has reportedly spent the past week mailing application packages to the few wrestling promotions from which he has not yet been dismissed.
In a poorly written cover letter that accompanied his resume, Hogan insisted that he “a great mind for the businiss (sic)” and was a “would be a valuable asset to your promotiun (sic), brother.”
The “Skills and Accomplishments” listed on Hogan’s resume include:
– Iconic moustache
– Former bass player for the Rolling Stones, Beatles and Coldplay
– Skin like leather
– Played Thunderlips
– No longer married to Linda
Hogan is hoping to hear back from Chikara, an independent league featuring high-flying wrestlers who typically weigh less than 100 pounds apiece, since most of his other applications have failed to yield any response.
He did, however, receive a form rejection letter from Combat Zone Wrestling (CZW), which stated: “Thank you for your interest in CZW; unfortunately, we feel you are not quite the caliber of talent we seek in our elite organization. Good luck in your search.”
Nobody has had the heart to tell Hogan that Chikara is defunct.