gay-marriage wwe
Brock Lesnar (left, topless, with phallic chest tattoo) married longtime advocate and lover Paul Heyman at a private ceremony on their Minnesota estate.

Following the historic Supreme Court ruling to legalize same-sex marriage across the United States, longtime associates and life-partners Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman finally wed in a small, private ceremony.

Though the duo has hardly kept their love secret — they have been inseparable for more than a decade — they refused to marry until the union would be legally recognized in all 50 states.

Surrounded by loved ones in the backyard of Lesnar’s Minnesota home, the lovers exchanged heartfelt vows, and Lesnar emitted his signature pterodactyl shriek after the officiant said: “I now pronounce you walrus and beast.”

Though they were given the option of tying the knot in a WWE ring this Monday, they declined the offer, citing the zero percent success rate marriages that begin with in-ring weddings.

Colleagues at World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) have known for years that Lesnar and Heyman are a couple — “The way they gaze lovingly into one another’s eyes is so beautiful,” said company Chairman Vince McMahon — but the duo maintained a professional on-air relationship in order to protect Lesnar’s sociopathic persona.

Shortly after the nuptials, Heyman announced marriage on Twitter: “My client, Brock Lesnar, has conquered my heart. #LoveWins.”

The duo are reportedly honeymooning in Cape Cod, where they plan to eat, sleep, go antiquing, repeat.