education wwe
US Education Secretary Betsy DeVos says pro wrestling history “will be henceforth taught daily, even if it means eliminating the Civil War from history textbooks.”

A new report published this week in the Harvard Review of Education reveals that, despite an upswell of “America First” rhetoric under President Donald Trump, a shockingly high number of Americans do not possess even a rudimentary grasp of the history of the WWE United States Championship.

According to the study, the vast majority of Americans have “little to no” understanding of the lineage of the United States Championship, indicating glaring gaps in the public school history curriculum.

Only a small fraction of Americans surveyed — mostly home-schooled, with access to the WWE Network — were capable of naming three or more past US Champions, most commonly identifying Ric Flair, John Cena, and The [REDACTED] Crippler Chris [REDACTED].

The study revealed that even residents of Canada are more knowledgeable than Americans aboot the US Championship, though Canadians seem unclear regarding the protocol of cheering babyfaces and booing heels.

US President Donald Trump tweeted today that the study is “SAD BAD FAKE NEWS,” and that American citizens are “the mostest knowledgeable people in the world about wrestling” thanks to his participation in WrestleMania 23.