Amid all the excitement of last night’s Royal Rumble — including the show-stealing surprise Rumble entry of long-retired former star Randy Orton — it seems most fans failed to notice that the bouts were held not in a squared circle, but a circled square.
Although a WWE spokesperson says the switch to circled squares is “another bold, innovative, inclusive, advertiser-friendly move for the company,” leaked documents reveal that it is a “cost-streamlining measure” because Chinese-made circled squares are typically 60 percent cheaper than US-made squared circles.
Of course, only eagle-eyed fans will notice the subtle differences between the new circled squares and the old squared circles:
- The elasticity of ring ropes is 20 percent stronger in squared circles than circled squares, however both are mysteriously possess 100 percent more elastic force than the laws of physics should allow
- In a squared circle, the hardest part of the ring is the apron. In a circled square, it is inexplicably 19 inches south-southwest of the most easterly turnbuckle
- Whereas a squared circle’s circumference is easily calculated with pi (3.141592), the circumference of a circled square employs a lesser-known constant, po (3.16).
Although many casual fans will not consciously notice the difference, WWE’s switch to a circled square will create just enough unspecified cognitive dissonance that viewers will slip even deeper into a lulled state of passive consumption.