Domino and Gallows
Cliff "Domino" Compton (right) with Luke "Festus" Gallows in Lagos, Nigeria, shortly before the flight home that Compton describes as "worse than death."

A disastrous wrestling tour of Nigeria marred by bomb threats, armed captivity and financial strife was “a frigging cakewalk” compared to the long journey home with a flatulent Luke Gallows, says Cliff “Domino” Compton.

“It was an absolute nightmare,” said Compton, referring to the 16-hour flight from Lagos to New York last August, during which Gallows frequently and noisily expelled the biological byproducts of exotic Nigerian cuisine.

The 115-degree heat and ever-present threat of disease and assassination in Nigeria were “luxurious compared to that plane ride,” Compton told Kayfabe News.

“Gallows fumigated the whole plane — I’m not kidding,” reported Compton, a former co-holder of the WWE Tag Team Championship.

“I mean, just look at the guy — he’s, like, nine feet tall, he eats like a (expletive) hippo and I don’t think he cleans himself very well down there, if you know what I mean,” continued Compton.

“Gallows spent five days eating spicy yam soup and some weird bean stew called gbegiri. It all turned into pure, concentrated evil inside him. I swear to God, if there had been a parachute on that plane, I would have used it.”

For Compton, the suffocating discomfort of the flight overshadowed the events of the preceding week, during which a terrorist bomb destroyed a nearby United Nations building and armed guards held the wrestlers captive, among other calamities.

After repeated appeals for help from the United States Embassy, the wrestlers finally boarded Air Nigeria Flight 1859 destined for New York’s JFK Airport. “And that’s when the trip went downhill,” Compton said.

“I would rather have spent the rest of my life scrubbing toilets in a Nigerian prison with my own toothbrush than spend another minute inhaling the napalm Gallows was dropping.”

Compton and Gallows are scheduled to perform next month for Ring Ka King, a new TNA Wrestling offshoot in India. Compton has already booked his transatlantic passage aboard a Mumbai-bound cargo freighter.