Hunter Hearst Helmsley, newly bequeathed heir to the WWE empire, has wasted no time in making some major changes to the company, including his decree this morning that the company will henceforth be again called WWF, or World Wrestling Federation. 

During a call with shareholders, Helmsley announced the company’s new “Get the F back here!” campaign, and unveiled the company’s new logo — an exact replica of its classic shiny WWF logo. 

“Nobody ever liked that word ‘entertainment’ except Vince,” said Helmsley, who then listed further immediate changes he is making within the resurrected WWF: 

  • The term “wrestling” is now allowed again, and uttering the term “sports entertainment” is now a fireable offence
  • Wrestlers may wear Zubaz pants if they prefer
  • Referees will wear blue shirts and black bowties, like they’re supposed to
  • Hyperactive camera zooming is banned entirely
  • The big blue steel cage will return

A representative from the World Wildlife Fund said Helmsley “has no legal right to the WWF acronym,” but also said “we’re pretty excited to see where Triple H takes professional wrestling from here, so we’re gonna let it slide.” 

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