President-elect and WWE Hall of Famer Donald J. Trump vowed today to place a trade embargo on flimsy, shatter-prone announce tables from Spanish-speaking countries.
“The Spanish announce tables are a disaster — a total disaster,” Trump said today at a press conference from an American table factory he promises to support.
“When is the last time you saw a Spanish table withstand a powerbomb, or even a backdrop,” said Trump. “It’s time to make announce tables great again.”
Trump insisted that imported tables from Mexico, Spain, and “wherever else bad hombres make bad tables,” will be forbidden, and pro wrestling commentators will henceforth sit behind “strong, made-in-America tables.”
“Furthermore, all illegal foreign objects will be deported,” Trump said. “Kendo sticks, brass knucks — bigly deported, believe me.”