Citing the immoral sexual connotations of oiled-up, half-naked musclemen play-fighting, the Pope issued a statement from the Vatican today denouncing same-sex professional wrestling.
The Pontiff listed a number of Bible versus that can be construed to forbid professional wrestling, such as Revelations 4:11, which states: “Thou shalt not layeth the smacketh down on thine fellow man.”
A press release issued by the Vatican expanded on the Pope’s brief address, stating: “It is an abomination for two tanned young men with rippling muscles to perform what can only be described as homoerotic exhibitionism.”
The above statement, admitted many wrestling fans, was pretty hard to refute.
The Vatican’s condemnation of professional wrestling expands upon the its long-held stance against same-sex marriage, as well as a little-known condemnation of spandex.
Proponents of same-sex wrestling have reacted to the Pope’s announcement with predictable outrage, claiming that two glistening bodybuilders have the same rights to engage in consensual, choreographic pseudo-violence as anyone else.
The Church, however, is steadfast in its position that the “true definition of wrestling is a play-fight between a man and a Diva.”