In an unexpected “babyface turn,” retired professional wrestler and tax collector Irwin R. Schyster has leaked the long-sought tax returns of Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump.
During the early 1990s, Schyster was ruthless in his crusade against “tax cheats” in the World Wrestling Federation, and he has spent much of the past decade focussed on the would-be president and WWE Hall of Famer.
“This is what you get when you don’t pay your taxes,” Schyster said sternly, clutching a briefcase and staring into the camera over his bifocals.
According to the leaked documents, Trump hasn’t paid taxes since shaving the head of WWE mogul Vince McMahon, because he considered that a “great public service.”
The leaked documents indicate that Trump’s financial holdings are almost entirely handled by his bodyguard, Virgil, who is perpetually standing silently nearby, holding a wad of hundred-dollar bills