Twelve-year-old Brandon Jenkins, a longtime fan of wrestler John Cena, abruptly changed allegiances this week after hitting puberty.
“Wait a second!” Brandon exclaimed, his voice cracking due to the typical hormonal changes that accompany male adolescence.
Upon discovering that his upper lip had sprouted the wispy beginnings of a bad moustache, Brandon instantly began to feel a dislike toward the man who was previously his idol.
Brandon immediately rushed into his bedroom and emptied his closet of a gaudy assortment of colorful t-shirts bearing slogans like “Rise Above Hate” and “Never Give Up.”
Brandon then spotted the beginnings of pubic hair around his groin, which inspired him to immediately order a Seth Rollins t-shirt from WWE’s online store.
He is expected to take a sudden interest in the Divas division any day now.