WWE barricade-jumpers
Fans will want to think twice, or at least wear kevlar, before jumping the barricade at ringside

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that, in an effort to quell the growing problem of overzealous fans entering the ring, snipers will be authorized to use lethal force against barricade-jumpers.

“For the safety of everyone, it is imperative that members of the WWE Universe stay on their side of the barricade — or else,” reads a statement issued by the company this morning.

The new regulations were announced following a number of incidents involving unauthorized people entering the WWE ring, including:

  • A fan in SWAT Team attire attempted to become the mystery partner of Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose at Night of Champions
  • A crazed fan attacked Randy Orton on behalf of normal, bored fans everywhere
  • Zack Ryder has repeatedly attempted to get a few minutes of airtime on Raw

Previously, fans who jumped the barricade were ejected from the venue and banned from attending WWE events, though many fans saw this as merely a fun way to get out of a lame Superstars taping.

Snipers will now be positioned in the rafters of every WWE live event, and will be authorized to make a “lay the lethal smack down” if a fan (or Hulk Hogan) attempts to enter the ring.

Although some namby-pamby liberal pansies insist the use of firearms is excessive, WWE personality Zeb Coulter retorts: “‘Murica.”