Professional wrestler Randy Orton was attacked this week by a crazed fan in South Africa, much to the delight of fans everywhere who are bored to tears with Orton.
“Finally something interesting happened with Randy,” tweeted one wrestling fan, speaking on behalf of millions.
“WWE should hire that bat-shit crazy South African dude, pronto.”
The whackjob in question — who leapt into a WWE ring and punched Orton in the crotch while the so-called Viper was doing his boring arms-outstretched pose on the second rope — is allegedly an independent South African wrestler named Jozi The Wrestling Machine.
Until the weirdo sneaked past security to make his surprise attack, thousands of South African fans were yawning in unison as Orton skulked around the ring, accompanied by that interminable “Voices in My Head” song.
Reached for comment by Kayfabe News, the South African wingnut said: “I was merely trying to give the fans some excitement.”
He added: “The previous bout had been a Divas match, so the crowd needed something exciting to wake them up.”
Most fans in attendance said the best part of attack was that it came “outta nowhere.”