Lesnar defend
Asked for his thoughts on the upcoming pay-per-view, Lesnar flared his nostrils and picked mites from his hair.

Brock Lesnar, the reigning WWE World Heavyweight Champion, expressed befuddlement when asked by a reporter this morning for his thoughts on tonight’s pay-per-view event, TLC: Tables, Ladders, Chairs…and Stairs.

“Tables, what, and what?” replied Lesnar, betraying the fact that he has never heard of the event, let alone considered defending his championship at it.

Lesnar is making the most of a new WWE ruling — created for his benefit — that decrees a champion must defend his title once every 300 days (as opposed to the earlier statute of 30) or else forfeit.

Even the most astute wrestling historians cannot precisely recall when Lesnar was last seen on WWE programming, but most believe it was a for squash match against Crash Holly on a 2002 episode of Sunday Night Heat.

Asked when he will next defend his championship, Lesnar pounded his fists on his chest, emitted his trademark pterodactyl shriek, then scampered up a nearby tree from which he threw feces at anyone who came near.