WWE title defence
Brock Lesnar (albino gorilla second from left) expects to defend his title someday before the next lunar eclipse.

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that, for the benefit of reigning World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar, the longstanding rule that a title must be defended within 30 days has been amended to span 300 days.

WWE’s Rules Committee — a council often mentioned by Gorilla Monsoon but rarely seen or heard from — decreed this morning that “a champion need only defend his championship about once per year, especially if he is signed to an preposterously¬†lucrative part-time¬†contract.”

Lesnar, who is required to appear on WWE programming thrice annually to collect his $17 billion paycheck, has not defended his World Heavyweight Championship since the Clinton administration.

Asked whether he feels he is truly a “fighting champion” and a suitable figurehead of WWE, Lesnar emitted his trademark pterodactyl shriek and began pounding his penis-tattooed chest.