Raw ratings
WWE mogul Vince McMahon insists wrestling fans should unquestioningly love everything WWE does.

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that the ongoing decline in ratings of flagship program Monday Night Raw is the fault of “entitled” fans who “don’t just unthinkingly gobble any nonsense we throw at them.”

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon said WWE fans seem to be developing more discerning tastes — and a lower tolerance for interminable, hamfisted backstage skits — which is an alarming trend that could spell doom for the company.

“These so-called fans seem to want high-quality matches and engaging, straightforward storylines that have some semblance of internal logic,” said McMahon. “Spoiled, demanding brats!”

According to a recent survey, the vast majority of wrestling fans said they don’t particularly care who Summer Rae is dating at any given moment, nor do they think a schizophrenic dentist-turned-demon-turned-corporate-executive-turned-demon should get 80 percent of Raw’s three-hour airtime.

McMahon, however, stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the survey results, stating that “fans will enjoy what we damn well tell them to enjoy.”

McMahon then announced that next week’s Raw will feature 17 backstage skits featuring The Authority, and the sudden return of “Growing Up Bella” vignettes.