Professional wrestler Brock Lesnar is reportedly “quite miffed” that WWE executives opted for a more family-friendly variation of his proposed “Go F*ck Yourself” tour leading up to the company’s next pay-per-view offering.
Lesnar thumped his fists on his chest and snorted through flared nostrils when told by WWE Chairman Vince McMahon that the company would instead refer to the series of matches as the “Go to Hell” tour.
Lesnar’s advocate and handler, Paul Heyman, issued a statement today claiming that Lesnar may refuse to perform on the tour because the moniker is “too PG” and its marketing materials require “more blood, urine and vomit.”
One WWE executive attempted to placate Lesnar by explaining that “Go to Hell” makes perfect sense as a name, since the tour culminates at the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view. The executive endured 17 German suplexes and is now in critical condition.
Asked by reporters whether he is being unreasonable, Lesnar emitted an earsplitting screech, scampered up a nearby tree and proceeded to hurl feces at terrified onlookers.