hillbilly jim speech
The entire transcript of Hillbilly Jim’s Hall of Fame Induction speech contains more words that the entire Library of Congress.

In what may be considered an act of cyberterrorism, the anonymous hacking organization WikiLeaks threatened today to unleash all 100,000 pages of professional sports-entertainer Hillbilly Jim’s acceptance speech from his induction into the WWE Hall of Fame.

According to sources within the FBI’s cyber-crimes unit, the farmer-turned-wrestler only delivered a small portion of the full speech — despite orating for more than 17 hours at the Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony — and the digital transcript, in its entirety, is an estimated 70 million terabytes in size.

“This could break the internet,” said one cybersecurity expert, who asked to be identified only as M. Cole. “A document-dump of that enormity would put incredible strain on the global information superstructure.”

Experts say the speech contains enormous chapters that Hillbilly Jim did not have time to deliver while onstage in New Orleans last spring, such as “The Perils of Messin’ With a Country Boy” and “The 50 Most Heartbreaking Times I Woke Up Alone.”

WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump expressed his grave concern over the threat, stating that “cyber is bad and sad,” and that he will “bring all cyberterrorists to justice unless they are Russian.”