Fans of professional sports entertainment were shocked Monday night when what was supposed to be a celebration of Ric Flair’s birthday turned tragic when the septuagenarian Flair was attacked backstage by a mysterious stranger.
Fans may have to wait a week for the answer, since the attack happened just before Raw went off the air (which seems peculiar, since Ric Flair’s birthday celebration was just getting underway).
But the Kayfabe News investigative journalism team known as “Spotlight” (lawsuit pending) has come up with the five most likely contenders for Flair’s mysterious attacker.
5. Barry Darsow. This guy has done it all: Krusher Khruschev, Demolition Smash, Repo Man, Sin Cara, The Blacktop Bully, Mr. America, Mr. Hole in One. Unfortunately, the left arm of Flair’s mystery attacker was not visible, so it was impossible to see whether he had Darsow’s telltale eagle tattoo.
4. Brains Strowman. It has been nearly a year since Brains Strowman (older, smarter brother of Braun) appeared in WWE. Perhaps he got a haircut and a nose ring? It was difficult to gauge the height of Flair’s attacker, so it could well have been Brains (height: eight-foot-eleven).
3. Somebody from the Bullet Club. Isn’t every WWE newcomer these days somehow connected to the Bullet Club? Is Marty Scurll in the Bullet Club? That sounds right. So yeah, maybe Flair’s attacker is Marty Scurll?
2. Nicholas. Former WWE Tag Team Champion Nicholas reportedly hit puberty in recent months and has really filled out. Could he be making his much anticipated WWE return?
1. Mason Ryan. It’s almost certainly Mason Ryan.