A coalition of the world’s voiceless voted unanimously to find a new voice, citing disappointment that longtime Voice of the Voiceless CM Punk has become unpalatably sanctimonious and outspoken.

“We, the Voiceless, thank Mr. Punk for his service and wish him the best on his future endeavours,” wrote the group in an online statement. “But he just doesn’t speak for us any more.”

The Voiceless have not yet named Punk’s successor, though several names are rumoured to be in contention:

  • Laurence Arabia (LA) Knight
  • Jim Ross
  • Josh Alexander
  • Robbie Dupree with Strike Force

Given the current state of the world, most pundits believe the next Voice of the Voiceless will be Bad News Barrett.

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