Vince McMahon God
Vince McMahon (right) and son Shane are reportedly considering turning Heaven into a new WWE Performance Center

Hoping to draw attention away from World Wrestling Entertainment’s underwhelming financial performance in the last fiscal quarter, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon reminded the world’s media today that he remains undefeated against God.

“The streak is unbroken,” chortled McMahon at a press conference this morning, deflecting reporters’ questions about the lower-than-predicted subscription rate to the WWE Network.

McMahon, never averse to brazen self-aggrandizement, spent the entire press conference bragging about how he and son Shane defeated the team of Shawn Michaels and God at the 2006 Backlash pay-per-view.

“God claims to be the omniscient, all-powerful creator of the universe,” said McMahon, “but clearly I am the more supreme being. I am the omniscient, all-powerful creator of the WWE Universe [maniacal laughter].”

Some skeptics have called into question whether the actual God participated in the match at all, given that He appeared only as a circle of white light, which could easily have been created by a bright spotlight.

McMahon, however, scoffed at some suggestions, arguing that “even God doesn’t turn down a WWE contract.”

According to some wrestling insiders, God was sent back to WWE’s “developmental” territory after the match for re-training, and is currently known by the ring name “Sami Zayn.”


[Thanks to @BrandonLaugh for the headline idea]