xpac feet
XPac’s feet do not have the educational distinction long attributed to them, and some sources say his hands are imbeciles.

Despite the repeated insistence by professional wrestling commentators that sports-entertainer Sean “X-Pac” Waltman possesses a pair of “educated feet,” leaked documents reveal this was a gross exaggeration, and that Waltman’s feet may only be kicking at a seventh-grade level.

Waltman — who performed as X-Pac, Syxx, Syxx-Pac, Tupac, the 1-2-3 Kid, The Black Dart, The Lightning Kid, The Kamikazi Kid, The Badluck Kid, Sin Cara, The Cannonball Kid, Naked Guy in Pornographic Film, Mantaur, The Kid, The Kydd, Kydd-Pac, and Paco Bell — vehemently insists that his feet are “as educated as Dean Douglas.”

But leaked transcripts obtained by Kayfabe News seem to indicate that Waltman’s left foot was once diagnosed as “educationally delayed,” and his right foot frequently stubs its toe on easily avoidable obstacles, suggesting a lack of educational distinction.

The myth of Waltman’s allegedly tutored tootsies seems to have originated from commentator Jim Ross, who is notoriously prone to hyperbole.

Although Ross claims to have God as a witness to many of his outlandish claims — about X-Pac’s feet, about Mick Foley being broken in half, about slobber being knocked — God has gone on the record to deny bearing witness to any such things.

Wrestling commentators have also frequently remarked about the “educated feet” of Rob Van Dam, and transcripts reveal his feet do indeed both hold PhDs in Asskickery.