The world has watched with indifferent malaise as two very rich men, Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos, raced one another to the the first private citizen to be able to afford to leave Earth.
It seemed that Branson had won the race until a surprise third billionaire, sports-entertainment mogul Vince McMahon, announced this morning that he actually made a successful orbit of the moon on June 13, 2020.
Perhaps most remarkably: it is all true!
McMahon did not publicize his space flight last month, likely because of his long history of televised mishaps with vehicles, such as the time his Corvette was filled with cement, or that time he died for a week after a mysterious limousine explosion.
But NASA and the FAA have since confirmed that McMahon travelled with a seven-member crew of astronauts aboard a private rocketship called the Jackhammer Express in a 17-hour orbit of the Earth.
Sources close to McMahon say his recent interest in space travel is connected to his promise to hold WrestleMania on the moon, or WrestleMoonia, by the year 2028.